Hmmmmm…..
December 04, 2008
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Pisces (2/19-3/20)You have so much emotional strength. Why not take advantage of it and tackle a touchy subject today? It’s time to clear the air with someone you’ve got a messy history with. Hearing hard truths is never fun, but getting rid of misconceptions and talking over differences is a great way to transform or rediscover yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to have a profound growth experience just because you don’t want to have an awkward conversation.
I actually did some of this yesterday and have been thinking about it again today.
There are some friends that I’ve been out-of-touch with. I am to blame as well. I really love my job and I put a lot of my heart and soul into it. It’s true that there isn’t a lot left over at the end of the day and what is left goes to The Vet and Wondercatt. So, I have been guilty of letting some things slide.
I have extended olive branches over the last couple of months, and discussions went on about getting togetherk but never came to fruition. So, I’ve put it out there one more time. After that, I’m going to call it quits.
Some of them, we’ve just run out of things to say to each other. We no longer have the same interests (my life doesn’t revolve around TV anymore). I think that in some ways, I’m being punished for not being available as I was before.
When I was single, I was available for lunches and dinners, to babysit, to house-sit. Perhaps I’m not worth as much now, as I do have other focuses now. I am creating my own family with The Vet – something the majority of my friends have had for years.
I am sad on some accounts, not as sad on others. But I know that there is truth to that saying aobut some friends only coming into your lives for a season.
The other situation brewing in my head has been about Sis1. As you’ll recall, she went ahead and invited our mother to Thanksgiving. That is fine – I know that it gets my mom out of her house and in a different city. Also, Sis1, because she is a schoolteacher, has the ability to take off more time than I do.
In any case, The Vet and I were not invited to Sis1’s house, which I am guessing stems from these issues earlier this year. I reached out and said that we should talk. She agreed, but then later on said, you know, it’s all good, we don’t need to talk.
Apparently, though, it’s not “all good.” I think that she and her family are still very upset. And in the end, I suppose that they have a right to be. I accept that things have been off between us for years – we are not compatible people.
What bothers me most about this situation, though, is how Sis1 has ALWAYS forgiven Sis2 for everything, but never forgives me. Sis2 bounces in and out of our lives on a whim, which hurts every single time. I don’t do that to Sis1, but I am somehow a second-class citizen in this group and don’t get the same leniency that Sis2 does.
Sis1 always called Sis2, trying to entice her back to the family, trying to “fix” things. She even went to her when D first started being suicidal. But even though I was the one who was always there, I was never allowed the same faults as Sis2.
In any case, I’m over that relationship as well. So, because of this division created by Sis1 (as she’s shutting Bro1 and Bro2 as well), once again we will all have separate Christmases with our mother. It’s funny that the person who tells everyone else that they’re creating issues is actually the one who is dividing everyone. If not for her, our mother would have her wish and have us all together.
The important thing to me has always been that our mother is not alone on the holidays. So, that is taken care of. As I’ve just had my first Thanksgiving without my mother, I will now have my first Christmas without her as well.
On the flip side, I did enjoy my first Thanksgiving with The Veteran and I’m looking forward to our first Christmas together. I am lucky to have those things, as it seems that another chapter of my life is closing as this one is opening.
