And, yes, I am taking some of my own medicine…

The other day Pixel said to me, so why is a fabulous-looking, intelligent and fun girl like you still single? Fine, he didn’t phrase it that way; he said, why are you only attracted to emotionally unavailable men?

Hmmmm…you know, that is one of those things that I keep thinking I’ve conquered, but he’s right, I’m still fighting it.  Of course, I playfully said, ummm, because I don’t know any emotionally available men????  And that’s probably because, I don’t attract them.

I have that vibe, where you can tell me your troubles and you know that I won’t judge you, that I’ll be on your side.  And that makes me a fabulous friend – but it also makes me a magnet for men who aren’t operating with the same good intentions I have.  They know that they can play on my big heart, on my empathy, on my compassion.  And I end up the loser.

But, I do celebrate my little victories:

1.  I haven’t bought anyone a motorcycle in 2 years.

2.  I haven’t given anyone $8000 in over a year.

3.  I didn’t press a relationship with The Professor where there couldn’t be one – we just didn’t have enough in common.

4.  I didn’t press a relationship with Coach after I found out he was married.

5.  I didn’t try to make it work with Mr. NotRight when there wasn’t anything there on my side.

So, in small ways, I take steps toward a healthier relationship.  I take stock at the end of each one and try to remember the lessons and let go of the heartache and the misery.  I try to improve on each relationship.

But, I still have a lot of growing to do.  I am not perfect.  And when old buttons get pushed ( a la The Veteran earlier this week), I overreact.

I am a work in progress.