Female propaganda and the double standard on the playing field

The other night, one of my guy friends and I had a long discussion about our potential for dating.  We talked about the fact that I date a lot of men at one time.  Yes, I play the field. But what this doesn’t mean is that I’m sleeping with all of those guys.  I’m not.  So that made me ask:

Why is it okay for men to play the field, but not for women to do so?

I asked another guy friend about this one.  He said that because when men play the field, they ARE sleeping around and so if a woman does that, they assume we are sleeping around as well.  So wait, it’s OKAY for men to sleep around…but women aren’t allowed to do so, and even if we’re not, it’s assumed we are.

HELLO?  How about unless you and I are in a committed, exclusive relationship, I don’t owe you an explanation of what has happened in or out of the bedroom?  And, just because I date a lot of men, it doesn’t mean that I’m hitting the sheets with them as well.  It upsets me to think that this double standard still exists.

In fact, many of the men I date want me to commit to them right away – now I get that it’s because they think unless I have, I must be climbing into everyone else’s bed.  Not so at all.  And no, I don’t want to commit to anyone until I get to know them better.  And if I’m not committed and exclusive, then dammit, I am still going to meet new men and if they ask me out, I’ll go.

I explained to the first friend how hard women actually have it in the dating world.  First off, we have been told the fairy tales. Then, we have to walk the very fine line of appearing interested, but not too interested.  And God forbid if we announce that we are sexual creatures and that we like sex as much as a guy does.

So, back to the first guy friend at the top of the post.  I had shown interest and when he didn’t come back and show as much to me, I moved on.  Then, the minute I gave up on him, he showed interest in me.  Okay, I get that a man likes to be the one who chases.  However, he said, you juggle too many men for me.  I said, I would drop them if I had a clue how you felt (need verbal confirmation here, guys – women are VERBAL, men are ACTION.)

He then said, that makes me feel like I’m just a fall back guy.  No, that’s not what that meant at all.  What it meant is that again, as a woman, I’m expected to juggle men until one makes a claim on me.  I have to do that in order to show that I’m not desperate and that I am very attractive to many men.  See why it’s so exhausting???  Because otherwise, men seem to be too scared if we appear to available.

So, in the end, he has decided that we just don’t have enough spark to date, and that’s fine, I appreciate him enough as a friend to move on from that.  But it did get me thinking about how unfair it is that women are expected STILL to wait at home for the guy to call.

<sigh>  Speaking of which:

The Professor:  We still talk both through email and on the phone. He’s still visiting his parents in CA.

Coach:  Yes, we are talking again, but very sparingly.  However, I had this dream about him last night:  Coach and I were at his house and we’d been in bed.  I was getting ready to leave and his wife was coming in the door. I ran into the bathroom while she asked him whose car was there.  I came out and said, well thanks again Coach Blank for talking to me about my nephew’s sport issues.  And then his wife said, oh, stay for dinner.  And all night, he kept reaching for me and then would remember she was right there. I told him about the dream and he seemed worried.

Pookie:  He’s still around – but we haven’t seen each other in over 3 weeks.  He just hasn’t had time and frankly, I’m just not as interested anymore.  He is still interviewing in NC.

That’s all I have.